PLEASE HELP!!! I'm Desperate. Should I Go After Her? Or Let Her Go?

It's been 5 years since I met and fell in love with, Randa. Well, 5 years since I met her on some MySpace band page. I requested her friendship, which she accepted, pretty quickly. I remember thinking how lucky I was...I mean she was so beautiful, like no one I'd even seen. And unknowingly I was hooked from day one. Love at first sight for both of us. It was weird how we both felt like we knew each other. Like maybe we had met before. But that wasn’t the case. She has the most amazing, stunning gray-blue eyes, I've ever seen. And her smile would melt any heart! The only problem was she had just moved from the US (where she was born and raised) to Lebanon. This left me here in NYC and many miles between us. I was 19 at the time and had no “real” idea that I was a at all. Months of talking on the phone/msn chatting, skype, I thought about her every day, minute and nearly every second. A year ped and I began to feel a strange, unbreakable affinity for her. And today nothing much has really changed. Except that my feels are stronger. And I know that cirstances bring us together yet hold us apart. Our conversations grew rather over the first year. And one summer she changed everything for us by sort of playfully confessing her feelings (love?) for me. I was elated, (in undeniable love all along) overflowing with joy...then absolute terror. I didn't want to be gay and I was so confused! I abruptly signed off and cried like never before. I avoided her that whole summer and we hardly talked. After that she never quite opened up to me like that again for years. I think for both of us we try to contain our feelings and face reality. We are too far away. However, logic seems to never win in the end. And it’s as if something bigger than both of us keeps bringing us back together-- Again and again! Whenever I get into a relationship I think, “She’s great BUT not like Randa.” I find I can’t commit fully to ANY relationship. Because no matter how hard I try I can NOT let her go. Randa and I have such a strong unbreakable bond. Whoever she is involved with gets very jealous. And once she confessed it was the reason one of her biggest relationships didn’t work out. Her BF at the time told her to discontinue contact with me. But she refused because she couldn’t. And right now I’m wondering if I am part of the reason her recent relationship is over now. There is no secret about my feelings for her and that I’m a . Our love is very profound. And I know not many experience such intense, irrevocable, undying love. I feel like when I die I’ll meet her again. We both sort of feel like we have meet in another life. Lol I know so crazy. But it feels like destiny. My problem is that she rarely opens up to me. And when she does she’s gone before she can even explain herself. So there is always room for me to wonder about her true feelings. About six months ago I had a breakthrough conversation with her and she told me, “It’s hard for me to open up. But we are going to meet very soon. And when we do it will be epic!” She has a lot of trauma going on in her life so I guess this is the reason why she has such trouble opening up. She just makes me so confused sometimes. She asked me to come and see her before but I couldn’t. Her country was in the middle of war. So now I am thinking maybe I will surprise her and go. But I’m not sure if I am setting myself up for a major let down. Yet I can’t live thinking… “what if” What I’m really asking is should I stay or go? Please, I am so desperate. What should I do?